Ann Jones, author of Next Time She'll Be Dead advises us that "[w]omen should listen to their own uneasiness--and get more information about male violence and control. Although no test is foolproof, there are early warning signs to watch for in behavior of any potential partner.
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Common characteristics of battered women |
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Prevention
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What are the characteristics that make women likely victims of battering? "The huge pile of data about battered women which the victim blamers have amassed reveals one critical fact: one battered woman is as different from the next as night is from day. Taken all in all, the studies show that a all battered women have only one significant charactersistic in common--they are all female. Some battered women were abused as children; others were not. Some battered women never got past grade school; others hold advanced degrees. Some battered women have never held a job; others have worked all their lives. Some battered women were married very young, others in middle age, others not at all. Many battered women are very poor; many are well-to-do. Many battered women have 'too many' children, others none at all. Many battered women are passive introverts; others are active extroverts. Some battered women drink too much or use drugs; others never touch the stuff. Many battered women are Catholic; many others are Protestant, Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, agnostic, athiest, Buddhist, Mormon. In short, there is no typical battered woman. Or to put in another way, any girl or woman might be battered." from Next Time She'll Be Dead by Ann Jones, p. 162-3. |
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Prevention
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A women's shelter adapted Amnesty International's Report on Torture (1973) to help us identify strategies used by batterers. Methods of Coercion | | | Method | Example
(quotes by battered women) | | | | Isolation | Deprives victim of all social support for the ability to resist.
Develops an intense concern with self.
Makes victim dependent uponinterrogator. | "He moved me away from my friends. He didn't want me to go anywhere unless he was withme. He would eavesdrop." | | | | Monopoliztion of Perception | Fixes attention upone immediate predicament; forsters introspection.
Eliminates stimuli competing with those controlled by captor.
Frustrates all actions not consistent with compliance. | "I was always scared he'd blow up. I had to dress up for him. Give him sex whenever he wanted. I had to control the children so they wouldn't bother him. It was like walking on eggshells." | | | | Induced Debility and Exhaustion | | Weakens mental and physical ability to resist. | He wouldn't let me sleep. He started fights at night. He wouldn't let me see a doctor. | | | | Threats | | Cultivates anxiety and despair. | He threated to kill the cat. He said he'd take the kids. He said he'd have me committed. He said he'd have me committed. He said he'd burn down the house. He said he'd find me if I left. | | Occasional Indulgences | | Provides positive motivation for compliance. | He took me on vacation. He bought me jewelry. He allowed me sex only when we "made up." Once in awhile he really listened to me and seemed to care. | | Demonstrating "Omnipotence" | | Suggests futility of resistance. | He beat me up. He had me followed. He called me deluded. | | | | Degradation | Makes cost of resistance appear more damaging to selfesteem than capitulation.
Reduces prisoner to "animal level" concerns. | He told me I'm too fat. He'd call me names and touch me inappropriately in public. He put me down intellectually and sexually and said I was ugly. | | | | Enforcing Trivial Demands | | Develops habit of compliance. | The bacon had to be cooked to a particular doneness. I couldn't leave a cup on the bathroom basin. | Source: Amnesty International, Report on Torture (1973), as adapted by the women's shelter of Northhampton, Massachusetts and as cited in Ann Jones, Next Time, She'll Be Dead: Battering & How to Stop It, (Boston: Beacon Press), 1994. |
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Prevention
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What is his attitude toward women? How does he treat his mother and sister? How does he work with female colleagues or a female boss? Does he make jokes about women in power? How does he treat your women friends? Does he understand that they are as important to you as he is? What is his attitude toward your autonomy? Does he respect the work you do and the way you do it? Does he run down or meddle, or tell you how to do it better or encourage you to give it up? Does he tell you he'll take care of you? Does he spend the leisure time you have together on your interests, or his? How much time does he spend listening to you talk about your interests, and vice versa? Does he remember what you said? Is he possessive or jealous? Does he want to spend every minute with you? Does he cross-examine you about things you do when you're not with him? How does he feel about your male friends? What happens when things don't go the way he wants them to? Does he blow up in a traffic jam, fume about his income tax, whine about your friends, or sulk about personal slights? |
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