• What is his attitude toward women?

• How does he treat his mother and sister?

• How does he work with female colleagues or a female boss?

• Does he make jokes about women in power?

• How does he treat your women friends?

• Does he understand that they are as important to you as he is?

• What is his attitude toward your autonomy?

• Does he respect the work you do and the way you do it?

• Does he run down or meddle, or tell you how to do it better or encourage you to give it up?

• Does he tell you he'll take care of you?

• Does he spend the leisure time you have together on your interests, or his?

• How much time does he spend listening to you talk about your interests, and vice versa?

• Does he remember what you said?

• Is he possessive or jealous?

• Does he want to spend every minute with you?

• Does he cross-examine you about things you do when you're not with him?

• How does he feel about your male friends?

• What happens when things don't go the way he wants them to?

• Does he blow up in a traffic jam, fume about his income tax, whine about your friends, or sulk about personal slights?

Any of the above should put you on guard. And if, when you back off, he turns on the solid gold charm, keep backing. Author Naomi Wolf gave good advice to graduating seniors at Scripps College:

'Never cook for or sleep with anyone who

routinely puts you down.' And, as a practical matter, I would add: prepare yourself as best you can with education, training, and job skills to lead an independent life. Support yourself...

General principles women should keep in mind are these: stay away." (Jones, page 235-6).

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships part 2